Ok, I admit it, I am procrastinating. I don't feel like making a high level literature review for the introduction to my thesis. I would rather do many other things.
However, I need to finish it, which means I am cultivating the appropriate level of distractions so that when I don't feel like it, I can take a 5 minute break, and then hack away at it some more.
What am I doing now? Writing blog, listening to Incubus, knitting the second glove for the dear sweet lovable one, searching for a better apartment closer to campus (not much luck).
The bigger question is why I want to be half distracted. I would much rather get it over with when I decide to go into work, and hardly work at all when I am in 'working'. It brings up the question of how much I want this. The project was not exactly what I wanted to do, but I said yes because it seemed close enough. It was really frustrating to see that the project I wanted to do, go to other people. I wonder if I had the skills to actually do the project I wanted. Given the motivation, would I have been more willing to learn, less willing to give up, more eager to keep working?
There isn't much point to speculation, because I feel like everyone who is getting a higher degree feels this way about their project. The piece you work on is so small it seems insignificant in the context of anything else, so narrow it can't possibly be worth the trouble, and so hard to be impossible. Part of my frustration has been that I understand the big picture, and the concepts, but the application of the concepts to my work breaks down completely. It sounds sort of ridiculous, I know how, but for some reason can't. If I didn't know how, I could ask for help. But I know how and can't, so I don't know how to ask for help. From my perspective how the hell can you even ask for help when you don't know the reason why you can't make it work. It seems like the help you need is for someone else to do it, which sounds like you are mucking around with something that you completely don't understand. Which brings me back to the first part, I think I understand what I need to do.
In more happy news, one of my fractals was chosen for a daily deviation yesterday.
For those on DA
Speaking of undergrad,
The dear sweet lovable one and I had a wonderful time. It's hard not to have a good time with a proximity suit and a three story tall bonfire.
I got to do it back in 2007, though it appears I won't have another chance.
Oh well, such is life.
Take Care Guys
Molly : )